Guruji - I had a terrible life with my wife in the last 4 years of my married life. She has an affair with her Ex-boyfriend and she wanted a divorce to marry him. Even I wanted to get separated from this life but some of my friend's advice that not to give divorce so that she will not marry him. First of all, I couldn't digest that she has an affair with another guy and I feel it is not a good act to give divorce. Also, I wanted to search and marry another girl desperately. We don't have any child. I don't know why it happened to me. I'm very much confused what to do. Please help.
- First of all, It's good that you don't have a child otherwise the problem would have become complex.
- Secondly, She has an affair with another male. It is absolutely ok as she liked to have an affair with him which is not under your control. she did what she did and she didn't do what she didn't do. Just accept the way she is. There is no point of repenting for her action as it spoils your inner well being and hence your happiness in the outside world.
- And your 4 yrs of married life just stays in your memory and it is not alive now. It is imperative that you engage yourself wilfully in any work that brings interest to you so that the past doesn't come in front of you. Here, your current neuronal patterns will shadow your past memories and you can be relaxed and in present, your power will not be sucked by past incidents.
- Just accept whatever happened till now consciously and the trouble will slowly disappear. If you resist and avoid, it stays and gives trouble. Don't ask any questions to yourself as to why it happened to me?
- Give her divorce. Do not bother what she is going to do. Do marry another girl of your choice or what nature gives you. Give her unconditional love, affection, and care and don't expect anything in return. There will be a lot of trouble arising in the first 500 days of your married life, it is imperative you act accordingly to lay a proper foundation and then you can build trees over it and can reap the benefits of flowers and fruits.
Human being has needs. Needs vary depending upon a being, situation, time period and a lot of other factors. In fact, our body needs some physical touch or sex, our mind needs companionship, our emotion needs love;trust;acceptance;care from our beloved ones, our life energy needs yoga (the way of life or something that unravels the different dimensions of life).
These are the basic needs.
At times, Needs vary based on what we don't have. Most of them are not that filthy rich, so as a default people are envy on others who are wealthy and need more wealth. Some of them who have abundant wealth may require love, affection, happiness, more wealth, worry to protect the wealth, health depending on what they lack. Some may need love, affection and care and so on.
<In the above case, his wife (I don't want to mention his name for confidentiality) needs something that he was not able to provide or the amount of which she is expecting might be more in that new guy. This is her need>
<The guy wants to give divorce and marry another girl. It is absolutely fine to give divorce as this is his need. Getting divorced is a similar need for getting married, so a person going for divorce is absolutely fine and there is no point of repenting for this act>
He felt that the act of divorce is not a good action. The fact is that there is no good or bad act. It's a relative phenomenon, something that is relative is not valid. What was GOOD 100 yrs back is not valid today and at times unbearable.
- People used to wash their house with cow dung 100 yrs back, our ancestors said its a good practice. If you do it today, people will ask whether you are mad.
- The bribe was not acceptable some 30yrs back and now people said it is not bad to get bribe otherwise we couldn't survive
- Girls don't drink alcohol few yrs back and it was socially not acceptable and NOW.
Good/Bad is either constant for ages or relative based on some reference and hence there is neither GOOD nor BAD thing that is universally acceptable. People do something because they like to do and believe it is the right way to do. This action might not be liked by many but we could not label as it is not acceptable. And even if the label that act, it is not going to bring any change. So, accept whatever someone does and accept the way they are for a better inner-management.